Ilkley Lit Fest Announce the Most Yorkshire Thing Ever

Yorkshire folk look forward to Ilkley Lit Fest every year, but this year might be even more special than usual. Fresh from putting together an impressive collection of big-name headliners, the organisers have pulled off the most Yorkshire announcement ever. Alan Bennett will open this year’s festivities.

We are delighted to announce that Alan Bennett will be opening Ilkley Literature Festival 2017! https://t.co/oaGN13w5VP

— Ilkley Lit Fest (@ilkleylitfest) July 27, 2017

Yes, one of the county’s most famous sons will cut the ribbon on its premiere literary get-together. The bard of Armley will talk about his latest collection of diaries and essays on the afternoon of Friday 29th September, kicking off 17 days of events across the area.

This leaves a real issue for next year’s event – Bennett is so ingrained into the fibre of the county, how do you out-Yorkshire the most Yorkshire thing that has ever happened? Luckily, This is Ilkley is here to help.

Things More Yorkshire Than Alan Bennett at Ilkley Lit Fest

Geoffrey Boycott Eating a Fat Rascal

Imagine the worlds of forthright cricket punditry and baked goods from Betty’s colliding. Now, that’s when you’d see some Yorkshire sparks fly. It might not initially seem the most spectator-friendly booking, but pure intrigue would sell out the Wharfeside at the Ilkley Playhouse.

It would also be value for money, as Boycott is renowned for not rushing these things. (I’m reliably informed that cricket joke ‘sort of’ works. Cricket jokes are not really my thing).

Nora Batty and a Performing Ferret

There’s no greater Yorkshire matriarch than Nora Batty and there’s no more potent symbol of our love of animals than the humble ferret. Put the two together and you have an act that not only would top the bill at Ilkley Literature Festival 2018, but would stand a chance of taking the Britain’s Got Talent crown the following year.

And before you fill the comments section, I know Kathy Staff is no longer with us, but I wasn’t talking about her, I mean Nora Batty.

Dame Judi Dench Sliding Down Langbar in a Tin Bath

Much easier than attempting the opposite way on a bike, although the Health and Safety risk assessment could take a while.

Michael Parkinson Refusing to Pay ‘That Much’ for a Pint

Immersive theatre piece in which the audience follows Parky into every pub in town. At each venue he gets to the bar, asks how much a pint costs and, whatever the answer, rolls his eyes, tuts, mutters “bit steep, that” and walks out.

Is there a more Yorkshire sight you’d like to see at Ilkley Lit Fest? Let us know in the comments section.