This is Ilkley

How to Survive the Ilkley Tesco Express Closure of 2017

The Ilkley Tesco Express closed for a five-week refit at the end of June and people absolutely lost their minds. That shop is the cornerstone of convenience shopping in LS29.

If you’ve ever popped in for a late-night loaf, you will have mingled with new parents restocking on nappies, weary travellers heading back from the Lakes and about 17 other folks who forgot to buy milk when they did the big shop. How will we last until 1st August?

Thankfully, This is Ilkley has compiled a handy guide on how to survive the Great Ilkley Tesco Express Closure of 2017.

Ilkley Tesco Express is closed, but here is a guide on how to survive it.

Bread and Milk

Unfortunately, This is Ilkley doesn’t have access to the shop’s private accounts. However, it’s a safe bet to assume a large part of the shop’s business comes from late night bread and milk missions. If this rings true for you, you need to find an alternative.

We live amongst the some of the most stunning countryside in the world, surely a friendly farmer can lend you a cow, right? That’s the milk sorted, and you can also take a month off from cutting the lawn. Double whammy.

You could also cadge a couple of sacks of wheat whilst you’re there for the bread. Ask in Morten’s about picking up the parts for a rudimentary grinding mill and you’re golden.

Celebrity Gossip

You need to find a new source of gossip while access to Heat, OK, Hello, Hiya, Y’areet or whichever celeb mag you usually buy is denied. The solution is simple – visit your Nan. Nans know everything about anything that happens on their street and love to spread their knowledge around.

For the bargain fee of a vat of tea and three packets of biscuits, she will keep you entertained all afternoon. Hear all about Bernard’s hip operation, Dave and Tina’s bedroom issues and Enid’s boils. You may not have heard of any of these people, but that doesn’t stop folk lapping up the latest news from those chancers on Love Island, does it?


Whilst Ilkley Tesco Express is closed, what are going to do about petrol? You could conserve the fuel you have by fixing a sheet to the top of your car and using it as a sail. Alternatively, you might think about buying roller skates, riding the cow that provides your milk to work or simply become a celebrated local hero so crowds carry you around shoulder-high at all times. Any of these options is acceptable.

Another Way to Survive the Ilkley Tesco Express Closure

If all the above fails, there is one last thing you might want to try. Why not shop locally and support the amazing local business across our area? Use it as an opportunity to discover what fellow LS29 residents have to offer, you might be pleasantly surprised.

Any other suggestions? Let us know in the comments. 

About Jim Coulson 36 Articles
I'm Jim, I live in Burley-in-Wharfedale with my wife, two kids and a dog. This leaves me at least ten minutes a week to write incisive web content.

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